After the unexpected death of a parent in a small rural community school, a teacher found herself searching for ideas on how to manage the wave of grief that had just hit everyone in her tightly knit school community, including herself and all 13 of her students. Finding out there was no plan in place or resources ready to help, the teacher began to develop her own for her school, collecting ideas and items and reading until the middle of the night, how to help support those around her.  She then made contact with one of the district inclusive learning coaches who provided a supply of children’s books and resources, and shared the teacher’s concerns about supporting the school community. With the thought “This should be everywhere, all of our teachers should have this within their reach and not have to wonder what to do next.” The teacher collected books, suggestions, practical information, art/writing opportunities, phone numbers, support ideas for the family, the students, as well as for herself for immediate use and for continued family support. This need was the impetus for the forming of the grief box, started in Peace Wapiti School Division 76, which has now spread throughout the entire division.  Using the Box the first teacher and coach made as a model, the Inclusive Education Coaches gathered as a team to assemble and finalize the contents for the boxes that would be distributed through the district. Currently, there are two grief boxes in most PWSD 76 schools for staff to access at a moments’ notice.
 
Sadly, this initial incident was not the last tragedy to strike a classroom, school, or broader district community.  As many of the district schools are located in smaller towns, hamlets, or colonies, the larger portion of the broader community often experiences the pain of grief. Large schools can feel the effects as well and needed the supports.  Schools were sometimes dealing directly and indirectly with death/suicides, house fires, illness, divorce, incarcerations or other life situations that cause grief.  All of these things can greatly affect the social/emotional fragility of all involved, especially if you are a child or teenager, making academics seem secondary.  Our schools needed something concrete to begin to bridge that gap for our grieving school members/students.
Since grief knowledge, resources and materials was a growing area of concern, based on the first teachers’ experience, different partners in the district began to look at creating a thoughtful resource box to provide a teacher some immediate and on-going support for the student(s) as needed.  The inclusive education coaches dedicated much time and effort into the creation of the resource.  The district school board was behind the effort completely. The boxes were jointly funded by the Comprehensive School Health and Wellness grant, local ATA, and discounts by local Michaels and STAPLES stores.  This work was broad and intense but culminated in a beautiful resource, both aesthetically and functionally, for staff to use immediately as a need may arise, for pre-teaching and for on-going grief support. 
Each box (purposely described as a box as opposed to a ‘kit’) is in a uniquely attractive box with an attractive but muted design.  Inside is an assortment of items specifically chosen to help soothe and comfort students from a variety of chosen resources. 
The grief boxes are comprehensively designed, including resources for:

1. Pre-teaching
2. Immediate crisis
3. Ongoing grief support
4. Whole class activities/individual activities
5. Important grief development information for adults to know
6. Information about local resources

 
Each box includes:

• an assortment of art supplies (for students who may wish to make a card for a classmate/family member(s) in grief)
•  related picture books (dealing with various topics on death/change/loss)
• supplies for a student to create small memorials
• a leather bound journal to record thoughts and feelings
• various fidgets/ playdough/ sensory items
• small boxes for holding special pictures/items
• a hand crafted wooden ‘comfort bird’

 The grief box also comes with a comprehensive folder that includes instructions on how to use the grief box if needed, a list of short possible activities, information on how to support a grieving child/the developmental stages of children’s grief, local resources, what not to say, web based resources, sample ‘memory books’ to help students process and remember their loved one, and various outlines/masters to provide to the child(ren) that may help them cope at school.  All of the folder resources and links are accessible on a google drive as well as a list of all the resources (in case some of the contents are consumed or permanently removed).
Although officially launched in December of 2017, during this school year, seven schools previously requested them (even partially finished) as student loss arose within the district.  Teachers (and families) were grateful to have such a resource available to them in their own classroom.  They could easily sign them out from the library and keep as long as necessary.  Local school councils were grateful for this type of support for the students in the school as well.
How has this resource been utilized by teachers in our district this year?
In December before the Christmas break, a grade 2 classroom teacher guided her students through making a memory box to honor someone they grieved or someone who has been important to them.  They took them home as part of their Christmas celebration.
Students at another school created a display board based on the Grief Box book “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” in memory of a Grade 3 classmate who died.
One father at Parent Teacher Interviews thanked his son’s teacher for creating a “Memory Book” about his wife.  He reported they sat on the couch together, read it and wept together. 
The grief boxes are a part of an overall focus on the social and emotional health of children in our schools.  We continually strive to find ways to meet the needs of the whole child in order to bring them to a better place in order to succeed in the other facets of student life.  As we look to support a child academically, we know that we may need to meet other needs before doing that effectively.  By working in partnerships with others, sharing our stories and needs, we all grow both as professionals but also as people sharing life’s joys and struggles.  It is in that journey, although sometimes hard and painful, we move together to help develop our students and school communities with understanding and compassion. 

​We are very excited to embark on a new initiative at our school with all of our grade five teachers and their students.  This initiative was in response to the rise in students’ rate of generalized tension/anxiety and an inability to quickly get back to work during and after transitions.  In other words, we wanted to try to support students to focus, calm down, and get meaningfully engaged in the classwork more quickly and easily.
Our school, like many, has embraced the “Zones of Regulation” and has a school wide language embedded in our discussions and understandings.  Part of the use of “Zones” is to support and guide students into the ‘green zone’ to be able to learn and participate optimally in classwork and interactions.  This ‘green zone’ is said to be optimal as it describes students who are calm, alert, engaged, focused and ready to be on task, both internally and externally.  As a school, we decided that this new initiative on ‘mindful breathing’ fit perfectly with our school’s ‘Zones work’ as one more strategy to help students get to this green zone. 
As a grade level, the learning time lost during and after transitions was identified as a concern.  This ‘mindful breathing’ strategy was brainstormed and we had a meeting to get it started.  We met with grade level partners, administration, the school psychologist and the inclusive education coach.  It was decided that three times a day, when needed, each teacher would lead a two- minute guided breathing exercise with a pre-set script (from you tube or from the script directed by the teacher).  Students would then follow the short prescribed breathing and theoretically, be ready to engage more productively.  We are hopeful and eager to gather the post data to compare the differences.  This two- minute investment, we expect, will pay off in dividends with more on task work time and higher quality interactions. 
Before beginning the actual practice of mindful breathing, times were recorded of transition time and engagement time were recorded to attain a baseline.  After the baseline information was collected, the staff addressed the students about the new initiative and its intent.  A class survey was given based on the students’ own perception of the issue, their own perceived levels of engagement and their awareness of strategies to help them exist in the ‘green zone’ at school.  This same survey will be given to the students again after the initial weeks of the program.
The hypothesis is that by highlighting, discussing, and teaching a relaxing, focusing breathing strategy and using it with the students consistently throughout the day for five weeks (trial time), we will see the time lost in transition decreased and the engagement time increase.  Five weeks was the time period that we chose to check to see if the strategy was having a positive effect for students.  A positive by-product of the use of this relaxation/focusing strategy would be that students may see this as a tool that they can apply in other areas of their lives (home, community, extracurricular events, etc.).  Students would begin to see the inherent value of having this specific breathing technique to self-regulate and focus their bodies and minds.
This initiative was shared at the onset with parents of all grade five students to help explain the idea behind it and serve to answer any initial questions or concerns that parents may have.  A common message went out to all grade five parents and was well received.  This is another way to build a positive home/school connection by sharing information and strategies that may be helpful for families as well.  Our motto is that ‘you cannot over-communicate’. 
Another related action that the school is undertaking to creatively engage our PCS team members is to have one of our psychologists host an evening presentation for parents (all parents welcome) to highlight and define anxiety for students and families.  We have had great interest in attending and parents are keen to learn more about this issue and how they can better support their children in this area and related areas.  This PCS member gave a similar presentation at a staff meeting this past year as staff are not immune from stress or anxiety themselves.  Taking a mindful breathing break was welcomed, honestly, as opposed to ‘one more thing added to a full plate’.
We see this targeted, attainable initiative as one more way to build the tool box for students in order to help them engage and relax more quickly and effectively after a short transition.  Although we are only beginning with the grade five classes, if successful, we hope to grow the strategy to other classrooms in the school.  By collecting ‘hard data’ on its effectiveness, we hope to share this ‘mindful breathing’ with others.  Having the entire class take a collective ‘breather’ will only serve to enhance the overall regulation of the students.  This is just one intentional way to build the staff and students’ ‘tool box’ of self- regulatory strategies but we hope to build this naturally into the school day long term if successful.   

After the unexpected death of a parent in a small rural community school, a teacher found herself searching for ideas on how to manage the wave of grief that had just hit everyone in her tightly knit school community, including herself and all 13 of her students. Finding out there was no plan in place or resources ready to help, the teacher began to develop her own for her school, collecting ideas and items and reading until the middle of the night, how to help support those around her.  She then made contact with one of the district inclusive learning coaches who provided a supply of children’s books and resources, and shared the teacher’s concerns about supporting the school community. With the thought “This should be everywhere, all of our teachers should have this within their reach and not have to wonder what to do next.” The teacher collected books, suggestions, practical information, art/writing opportunities, phone numbers, support ideas for the family, the students, as well as for herself for immediate use and for continued family support. This need was the impetus for the forming of the grief box, started in Peace Wapiti School Division 76, which has now spread throughout the entire division.  Using the Box the first teacher and coach made as a model, the Inclusive Education Coaches gathered as a team to assemble and finalize the contents for the boxes that would be distributed through the district. Currently, there are two grief boxes in most PWSD 76 schools for staff to access at a moments’ notice.
 
Sadly, this initial incident was not the last tragedy to strike a classroom, school, or broader district community.  As many of the district schools are located in smaller towns, hamlets, or colonies, the larger portion of the broader community often experiences the pain of grief. Large schools can feel the effects as well and needed the supports.  Schools were sometimes dealing directly and indirectly with death/suicides, house fires, illness, divorce, incarcerations or other life situations that cause grief.  All of these things can greatly affect the social/emotional fragility of all involved, especially if you are a child or teenager, making academics seem secondary.  Our schools needed something concrete to begin to bridge that gap for our grieving school members/students.
Since grief knowledge, resources and materials was a growing area of concern, based on the first teachers’ experience, different partners in the district began to look at creating a thoughtful resource box to provide a teacher some immediate and on-going support for the student(s) as needed.  The inclusive education coaches dedicated much time and effort into the creation of the resource.  The district school board was behind the effort completely. The boxes were jointly funded by the Comprehensive School Health and Wellness grant, local ATA, and discounts by local Michaels and STAPLES stores.  This work was broad and intense but culminated in a beautiful resource, both aesthetically and functionally, for staff to use immediately as a need may arise, for pre-teaching and for on-going grief support. 
Each box (purposely described as a box as opposed to a ‘kit’) is in a uniquely attractive box with an attractive but muted design.  Inside is an assortment of items specifically chosen to help soothe and comfort students from a variety of chosen resources. 
The grief boxes are comprehensively designed, including resources for:

1. Pre-teaching
2. Immediate crisis
3. Ongoing grief support
4. Whole class activities/individual activities
5. Important grief development information for adults to know
6. Information about local resources

 
Each box includes:

• an assortment of art supplies (for students who may wish to make a card for a classmate/family member(s) in grief)
•  related picture books (dealing with various topics on death/change/loss)
• supplies for a student to create small memorials
• a leather bound journal to record thoughts and feelings
• various fidgets/ playdough/ sensory items
• small boxes for holding special pictures/items
• a hand crafted wooden ‘comfort bird’

 The grief box also comes with a comprehensive folder that includes instructions on how to use the grief box if needed, a list of short possible activities, information on how to support a grieving child/the developmental stages of children’s grief, local resources, what not to say, web based resources, sample ‘memory books’ to help students process and remember their loved one, and various outlines/masters to provide to the child(ren) that may help them cope at school.  All of the folder resources and links are accessible on a google drive as well as a list of all the resources (in case some of the contents are consumed or permanently removed).
Although officially launched in December of 2017, during this school year, seven schools previously requested them (even partially finished) as student loss arose within the district.  Teachers (and families) were grateful to have such a resource available to them in their own classroom.  They could easily sign them out from the library and keep as long as necessary.  Local school councils were grateful for this type of support for the students in the school as well.
How has this resource been utilized by teachers in our district this year?
In December before the Christmas break, a grade 2 classroom teacher guided her students through making a memory box to honor someone they grieved or someone who has been important to them.  They took them home as part of their Christmas celebration.
Students at another school created a display board based on the Grief Box book “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” in memory of a Grade 3 classmate who died.
One father at Parent Teacher Interviews thanked his son’s teacher for creating a “Memory Book” about his wife.  He reported they sat on the couch together, read it and wept together. 
The grief boxes are a part of an overall focus on the social and emotional health of children in our schools.  We continually strive to find ways to meet the needs of the whole child in order to bring them to a better place in order to succeed in the other facets of student life.  As we look to support a child academically, we know that we may need to meet other needs before doing that effectively.  By working in partnerships with others, sharing our stories and needs, we all grow both as professionals but also as people sharing life’s joys and struggles.  It is in that journey, although sometimes hard and painful, we move together to help develop our students and school communities with understanding and compassion.
 
*This article appeared in the ATA Council for Inclusive Education journal in 2018. 

There is only so much that anyone can understand about another person’s situation.  You can empathize with a friend, family member, colleague, etc. about their own particular struggles or issues.  You can study the parts of the situation intellectually and try to apply logical solutions that have research behind them.  You can be a supportive listener, be active in helping them and can best try to put yourself in their shoes and step up to help.   You can never truly know how it feels to live their experience (as they can never truly know yours as the case may be).
This life lesson hit home for me specifically after I spent years and years as a teacher (grades 1-9 spanning my career), an inclusive education teacher, and years as a school administrator as well.  I would describe myself as caring and incredibly invested in the overall success of the school as a whole but also in each individual student (and their families ultimately).  Most of my career was in relatively smaller schools and there is a real sense of ‘family’ that is built and experienced by most if not all.  This was always a positive and I felt that people knew that I was invested in their children’s success authentically and I would argue that to true.
As an educator, I had a special spot in my heart for any student that struggled in any way: behaviorally, academically, socially, emotionally, etc.  I felt like I completely understood what their families were going through trying to support them through whatever challenges they faced.  I thought that I had a full grasp of the feelings, effort and worry that these parents were experiencing.  They would sometimes allude to the fact that there was no way that I could possibly but appreciated my efforts and true concern.  This would wound me a bit.  I won’t lie.  The old, “You can’t possibly understand because you don’t have kids of your own,” would sting as I felt that was inaccurate and did not take into account the many sleepless nights I had trying to plan ways to better support their child. 
Until I became a parent.
I hate to be told, “I told you so…” but I can imagine that all of those wonderful parents would have the right to at least think it if they never said it to my face.  I could finally realize the true depths that parents can feel for their child, especially if they are struggling in any sense.  Facing a long term or more serious health concern for your child is not something that another person can fully grasp no matter how much they do all of the incredibly kind things I mentioned at the top of the article.
This experience of having my own child with some struggles has completely reframed the way that I approach education, meeting with parents, guiding staff in their classroom practice and communicating with parents, sharing reports, etc.  I can see the times when I thought that what I was saying or doing was the most helpful thing at the time but may not have been. I thought it was and had the best of intentions, but sometimes I really needed to just ease up a bit, give a bit more time, gently nudge when needed, listen a bit more, slow down, and a ton of other specifics I can remember. 
I know that I cannot go back but I can certainly move forward with this new insight and understanding.  Although each person’s story and experience is different (and I know that I can never truly understand each person’s specific experiences fully), there are some common threads that I hear through personal friends, colleagues, research, social media posts, and family members as well.
There is an old saying, “You do not know what you do not know,” and this has come to ring true for me.  If you are a parent reading this, you know.  I firmly believe that with a focus on building both communication and relationship, we can begin to build that common understanding.  We may never have the experience of being truly understood, but having this new insight has helped to shape and hone my own practice as a parent and as an educator.  A healthy and honest home/school partnership can be one of the most important relationships that affect your child(ren) and their own growth.  That should remain the focus for all no matter the side of the story.